


When Flowers Sway

by CALIGULLA



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aggression, Aggressive Eren Yeager, Angst, Coming of Age, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Face Slapping, First Kiss, Hair-pulling, Reader is awkward but becomes confident, Reader-Insert, Secret Relationship, Size Difference, Slow Burn, Trauma, You and Jean are besties, shy reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:07:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28064451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CALIGULLA/pseuds/CALIGULLA
Summary: ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂➥The world felt still.Like someone grabbed it by the neck, choking her. Just for a moment.The tension was noticeable. With a bit of struggle due to your daze, you propped up onto your elbows to peer at the grass next to you. Each blade was unmoving, like the wind was suddenly sucked up from the world. Your eyes slowly trailed up to the walls in the not-so-far distance, which were as still as usual, before looking up at the sky above. Something wasn't right.And, finally, the clovers before you swayed once again. Like a great tremor awoke them.Just like that, the little trance you were in broke. A shaky exhale left your lips as you frigidly laid back down, staring up at the still cloud above you. Not aware of the chaos ensuing far from you, where a boy just your ages' journey was beginning. And soon, yours would too.▂▂▂▂▂▂▂
Relationships: Eren Yeager/Reader, Eren Yeager/You
Comments: 27
Kudos: 146





	1. Shambles

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

➥... The world felt still.

Like someone grabbed it by the neck, choking her. Just for a moment.

The tension was noticeable. With a bit of struggle due to your daze, you propped up onto your elbows to peer at the grass next to you. Each blade was unmoving, like the wind was suddenly sucked up from the world. Your eyes slowly trailed up to the walls in the not-so-far distance, which were as still as usual, before looking up at the sky above. Something wasn't right.

And, finally, the clovers before you swayed once again. Like a great tremor awoke them.

Just like that, the little trance you were in broke. A shaky exhale left your lips as you frigidly laid back down, staring up at the still cloud above you. Not aware of the chaos ensuing far from you, where a boy just your ages' journey was beginning. And soon, yours would too. 

Your lids felt heavy as you fought off sleep, knowing your grandmother would scold you for slacking more-than you already were. But you felt so at peace. Your grandmothers apple tree swayed above you, peaks of light shining between the leaves and branches, sending soft rays onto your warm skin. The warmth felt homey and irreplaceable, like fresh honey on a breezy day. Gosh, if only things could always be like this. If only you didn't have to keep picking those god damn apples... maybe you'd be able to sleep in the flower field forever.

Stupid god damn apples.

●●●●

You woke up with a start.

Looking back on it, there could have been multiple reasons why you woke up just at that moment. But whatever it was, it was sheer luck. Maybe it was your grandmothers nearing screams for you, pleading to the god above that you weren't dead, or maybe it was the tremors that shook that ground. Or perhaps the distant smell of smoke that seized your lungs uncomfortable.

Even before you could rub your eyes, you felt a familiar feeling envelop you. Your grandmothers strong arms surrounded you, scooping you up in an instant. Her hysterics were barely audible to you as you were coming in-to, body bobbing with her long strides. She was a tall, muscular woman despite her age. Though she was usually calm. Pulling your face from her neck, you looked at her face.

Her eyebrows were furrowed with beads of sweat glistening on her forehead and running down her temples. But despite her determined brows, her eyes were wide with shock, the normal light that glistened in them gone. They were dark, filled with a fear unknown to younger you. But in the depths of your stomach, you knew something was terribly wrong. 

The thumping of the ground continued. Almost like it was getting closer.

Her eyes flickered to you momentarily, acknowledging you were fine and awake. Her right hand held your face, her voice coming our strained as she quietly spoke to you. 

"Don't turn around, my star, okay? Don't turn around."

Something like dread filled your stomach as you nodded your head. "Gram, where are we going?" You asked, tightening your grip around her neck.

"We're leaving for Wall Rose," She said, approaching your farms stables. Grandmothers horse stomped at the ground and rose to it's back legs at the sight of you two. Grandmother shushed her softly, quickly putting you onto her back before pulling herself up. There wasn't a saddle on her, so you cried out at the uncomfortable feeling, gripping at your grandmothers shirt with claws of steel.

"Can we go home?" You asked, cheek squished onto her back as the horse galloped through the forest.

Grandmother shook her head. 

"No. We have no home, anymore, my star."

Her words scared you.

What happened to your mother? And father? Your cousins that were visiting? What happened to the house, where your older siblings were preparing dinner, waiting for you to bring in fresh apples for a pie? Where was everyone?

The ground continued to tremble, but this time it shook the both of your spines. Your grandmother yelped, whilst your head instantly whipped backwards, where you heard the causing crash come from. Instantly, your mouth became dry, and eyes frozen.

A figure about 10 meters high stood just in the distance, yet not too far. It's skin was tan, pinkish at the joints and on their jolly cheeks that were permanently crinkled. A smile that stretched from cheek to cheek displayed on it's wretched face, with such human-looking teeth that sent shivers down your spawn. It's big, black beady eyes stared just off in the direction of your last location. The flower field. And just behind them, yet another stood shortly behind, maybe about seven meters. It was approaching a wreck that stood where your home was.

The tall roof, with an even taller chimney was gone. The two story, yet nonetheless cramped home was gone. Crushed to the ground like one would squash a beatle.

"T..." You croaked, "Titans..."

Your mouth fell slack open as you tried to gather words. And then you started screaming. 

"Grammy there's titan at our house! There's titans at home! We need to-" You started to cry, whipping your head back to her, slamming your palms into her back. "Grammy we need to go back! Mommy and daddy are still there! Big sis is waiting for me! We need to go back, please turn around Grammy, we-"

Grandmother sharply pulled at the horses main. With the sudden stop of the horse, your body flew off of it's back, throwing you into the dirt. You rolled, gasping out in pain. Dirt and pebbles scratched at your skin as you struggled to get up. With fat tears leaking from your eyes, you looked up at your grandmother, who stared at you with a melancholy expression.

"They're all dead."

●●●●

Grandmother died a week after your escape.

She was murdered when getting your rations for the day. Just for some crumbs that wouldn't last a normal person. You waited, and waited, and waited for her at the area you two were camping at. She told you she'd be back soon, a promise left broken. You came across her corpse when a crowd gathered around a certain alleyway. Her lifeless eyes were the first thing you saw. Her case was never solved, to say the least. There wasn't even a case in the first place. The Military Police took one glance at her corpse, the location, and brushed it off to a crew that'd dispose of her body.

They refused to let you come with them so you could give a final goodbye. It took four people to pry you off of her lifeless corpse.

You were introduced into the busy world quickly. You learned people were unkind from the start.

Thinking about it, your grandmother would be greatly disappointed with you right now. You wanted revenge for what happened to her, which ended up with you being here. Applying for the Cadet Corps. She told you to survive, but here you were, probably doing the opposite. 

If the cruel world didn't get to you first, you are sure Commander Sadies would. He could probably bite off your head, but after he belittled your character and history. You were hoping you didn't get the same treatment as the Military Police boy. He ended up shamefully on the ground. You wonder how he didn't die of embarrassment. 

"AND WHAT DO THEY CALL YOU?"

"[Y/N] [L/N] sir."

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU."

"[Y/N] [L/N] sir!" You yelled back.

"ARE YOU GIVING ME ATTITUDE?"

"No sir!" You cried back. 

Commander Sadies eyes glared down at you like burning lights that you were too afraid to look away from. You couldn't even blink. Embarrassment emitted from your figure, if every human-function in your body wasn't still, so much blood could be rushing to your cheeks right now. You focused it all on clenching your fist above your heart. It was shaking violently nonetheless.

"WHERE ARE YOU FROM, RUNT?"

"Rachen village, sir!"

"SO YOU'RE A SOFT NOBODY. WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR THEN MAGGOT? YOU SURE YOUR TOOTH-PICK ARMS CAN TAKE THIS?"

"Yes sir! I'm here to restore order to the people treated unfairly inside the walls by Military Police, sir!"

"WHAT A FUCKING DREAM. YOU'LL GET SQUASHED AND USED AS A FOOTSTOOL, YOU'RE BETTER FIT FOR THAT ANYWAYS."

And so he walked off to the next person.

You hadn't even realized you had held your breath the entire time. Thankfully, your interaction wasn't memorable. Being called a soft-nobody with tooth-pick arms was no where in comparison to the potato girl, a name that everyone has decided to stick to her. From the entrance of the mess hall, you stared at her tired figure continuously running laps under the beating sun. You wondered how she hadn't had a heat stroke yet. She was ordered to keep running till she couldn't anymore, and you supposed the pain of her dinner privilege's for the night being revoked was what kept her going.

Whilst eating your dinner, you did contemplate on saving something for her. But it's survival of the fittest now, isn't it?

Staring down at the bread in your hand, someone put down their plate next to yours. The clacking woke you up from your trance.

"Are you really that hungry that you can't eat your food?" He joked.

Looking just ahead of you, you saw the military boy from earlier. He had an undercut and an unusually long face, or at least, that's what you just now noticed. Earlier you were too busy trying not to shit yourself to pay attention to his name. You glanced down at the small loaf of bread in your hand, before putting it down with the rest of the mushy food you were given. Shaking your head, you said no.

"I remember you said something about the Military Police, so I wanted to become friends," He stated casually, taking a bite out of his bread. Military boy grinned at you with something like a make-shift smolder, he was trying his best to be casual and maybe attractive, you couldn't tell. "What is your name? Or do you want me to call you tooth-pick arms." 

"Aren't you the one who fell to his knees earlier?"

He scoffed, taking another bite. "Touché there. My name is Jean Kirstein, and personally, I'd rather not be remembered as the guy who got knocked down for having completely reasonable goals."

You let out a little laugh under your breath, glancing down at your plate. "Well, it was nice meeting you Jean. My name is [Y/N] [L/N]."

A silence fell over the two of you. For you it was comfortable, and for him it might've been boring. If he had an issue with it and wanted to converse, he didn't make it apparent. Nonetheless he still sat with you. Your grandmother, before she passed, taught you a lesson. She'd always tell you to appreciate what you have even if it's nothing. You've learned to like being alone and the quiet that joins because of it. But sometimes you do wish you could wrap your arms around her and cry again, or have that comfort. You scarfed down the rest of your bread, ate some of your vegetables, and drank all your water in a cycled order. Knowing the Cadet Corps training, this would probably be the last meal where you could relax and take your time with the food. Who knows how sore you'll be at the end of the day, unable to even force something down.

"-Actually, Titans aren't actually such a big deal."

Snapping out of it, you noticed a crowd had formed around a table near the one you sat at. You couldn't see the founder of the voice, but you heard his words clearly. Most-everyone was immersed in his little speech, it surprised you that you hadn't caught onto it earlier. But his words made you harshly swallow the last of your potato. 'Not a big deal?'

"...Once we master operating the Three Dimensional Maneuver Gear, they'll be no match for us!" He said earnestly, confident ambition radiating from his tone, "We finally have the chance to become soldiers. I just swallowed wrong earlier. I'll join the Recon Corps, and purge the world of Titans! I'll eliminate them-"

His claims left you interested as well.

But not Jean, it seemed. 

"Dude, are you nuts?" He snorted, casually leaning onto the palm of his hand. You felt your body shrink when you realized he was sitting just across from you, and all eyes transferred to his cocky form. "Did you just say you want to join the Recon Corps?" He chided, an overconfident smile stretching on his face, like Jean had just heard the funniest thing ever.

The crowd sort of dispersed around the table so that the two could see each other. You caught glimpse of the speaker, and you vaguely remembered him earlier. He was passed during the "introduction ceremony." He had short dark-brown hair, tan skin, and bold grey eyes that had a determination you could virtually remember from somewhere. You couldn't put your finger on it. Faltering for a moment, you looked back down at your plate. God, why did this Jean guy have such a big mouth? 

"Damn straight," He replied with scrutinizing gaze, "And you're planning to join the Military Police Brigade to take it easy, right?"

"I'm just an honest fellow, I personally think that's preferable to acting tough when you're actually scared shitless..."

Like it flicked a switch, the brown-haired fellow pushed himself up to his feet, like he was ready to fight. "You got something to say?" He said darkly, an overcast crossing his face as he stared down at Jean. Baffled by the response, Jean also stood, and approached him as well.

You took this time to get up also, deciding it was best to take your leave then and now. But it seemed like great luck, as the nightly bell started to ring, interrupting whatever Jean was going to say.

"I think..." You said boldly, disregarding your plate as you paused on your way out, "that we all have something to say."

Turning, you glanced at the two of them, surprised on the inside when the two of them were looking at you. As well as the rest of the cadets. There goes the good first impression on your behalf, and your goal on being quiet. "We all are here for our own reason, you know," You stated slowly, choosing your words wisely, "it's our first day. There's no reason to be cocky just yet."

"Just yet?" Jean inquired, "What are you trying to say, [L/N]?"

"You can't weigh someone on what regiment they plan on joining. Wait for when we all get ranked at the end of all this instead, be competitive until then. But we don't have time for this now."

With that, you turned, and left promptly with multiple pairs of eyes still glued to your back before the door shut behind you. Those grey eyes giving you a glare much like the one he gave Jean. As you went down the steps, you let out a shaky exhale, fingers going up and grabbing at your hair. "Aah... now why did I do that?" You huffed, sliding down into a squat so you could hide your face into your knees.

Your face was firing red, to say the least.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂


	2. Growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter Includes  
> ➥... interactions with eren yeager  
> ➥... training  
> ➥... a bit off script but will follow the canon story nonetheless  
> ➥ friendship growth with marco, jean, and krista
> 
> Your body wasn't build for training. As a child, growing up, you simply lived freely on your grandmothers farm. Picking flowers for bouquets for no one but yourself, and apples for the family business. The fat on your body will become muscle, at least, with the help of Eren Yeager.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

➥... "[L/N]! Wake up!"

An angelic like voice wafted through the void of your sleep. It was urgent, but so soft to your ears, like jingle-bells during deep winter. You hummed in response to the warmth, digging yourself into a deeper sleep, trying to wash away the tingling of becoming awake.

"[L/N], we're going to be late for training!"

Now this, and your body being shook, woke you with a start. Like a reversed blow to a bowling pin, you sat up straight in an instant. This caused a hard-hitting blow to the forehead of a girl hovering over you.

The two of you gasped and recoiled in pain. For sure by now you were awake. Your eyes were shot open, a hand holding your throbbing forehead. The other gasped, exhaling thousands of apologies that barely even registered into your humming ears. Pulling your hand away from your already-reddening face, you saw an actual angel. Long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. A clear complexion, a small frame, already perfectly put on uniform. Her hands were shaking, outreached towards you to make sure you were okay.

Krista Lenz. An actual angel.

You never forget a pretty girls name. On the other hand, you never remember telling her your name. You were flattered that she somehow remembered from the ceremony, or somehow found out.

"Did I miss breakfast?" You croak out, morning voice thick in your tone. Sluggishly, you forced your legs out from under the thin blanket of your bunk, and threw your legs over the side. The cooling air stung at your bare body, sending pebbles of goosebumps all around your body. Like most people, you changed out of your clothing when going to bed.

Sadly, Krista nodded in response. You groaned, throwing your head back.

"I just..." She said started sheepishly, looking away, "You just looked very sound asleep, I didn't want to wake you. I thought you might wake up during breakfast, but..."

"...But now breakfast is over," You huffed, rubbing your eyes. Not taking the time to stretch, your stiff joints cried at your too-sudden movements. You dug out your long-sleeve white button up and hurriedly put it on, having to redo many forgotten buttons that kept slipping past your too quick fingers.

"I'm sorry [L/N], I'll give you some of my dinner for tonight."

You buttoned the top of your pants and pulled up the zipper with such speed, your sleeping form from two minutes ago would've been surprised. Tugging on your boots, you glanced over at Krista's apologetic form.

Yeah. She is an angel alright.

"Don't sweat it Krista. Thank you for looking out for me," A smile danced on your lips, "Also, you can call me [Name]. There's no need for us to use last names, you know?" Standing up, you pushed your arms through the sleeves of the Cadet Corps jacket. Krista grinned, giving you a thumbs up.

"I'll tell them you were in the bathroom! Maybe Shadis would be kind on you. Or a bit kinder on you..."

With that, she jogged out of your barracks in the direction of the field with the rest of the pack. You were dazed by her gracefulness for just a moment, but quickly catching yourself. '𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺,' You thought to yourself, fumbling with the straps you were buckling around your thighs and down to your boots. Jumping in place, you felt around to make sure everything was put on right. You kicked at the toes of your boots and pushed on the heels. You pulled at the straps that were tight around the plush of your thighs.

Done.

Just before you left, you hastily threw the blanket over your bunk and messily tucked it into the sides. Just in case someone would eat you whole for not doing so.

The thought of being reprimanded sent chills down your spine, and suddenly Commander Shadis's eyes were perfectly frozen in your memory. Like you were about to shit your pants again, you ran out of the barracks as quickly as you could, trying to catch up to the others. Or at least catch up to Krista.

Much to ones dismay, a horrible nightmare displayed before you. Everyone all in a line, awaiting directions from Shadis, with their hands fisted just above their hearts, other hand behind their back. Shadis stood expectantly in the front. Stealthily, though probably not gone unnoticed, you slid into your place. Connie Springer, if you remember his name correctly, was eyeing you from the side. It was bold of you to be late on the first day.

You gave the proper salute, awaiting instructions. Or to get reprimanded.

"We will be starting our training today..." Started Shadis.

Thankfully, the ladder didn't come. You almost exhaled out of joy, ready to drop on your knees to thank god. But the happiness was short-lived when Commander started to explain the first day.

"...But we will have no slackers," He continued, eyes scanning the rows. Somehow his bullet-like gaze hit everyone at once. "We don't go easy on new fish. If you plan on surviving, we need the best. We will be practicing 3D maneuver gear today, but not before 10 laps around the field."

A few groans were heard within the crowd. The dirt field you all stood in now was huge.

"Did I hear some of you correctly?" He barked, "if you can't even do the bear minimum, leave now."

Silence continued thereafter. No one wanted to shatter their ego just yet.

The first four laps went by painfully, and it hurt even more when you realized it was only four laps out of ten. Most people were running with their friends, or at least acquaintances they made, but a few were running on their lonesome. For example you, and also a girl with a hooked nose with tied-up blonde hair. You did contemplate on joining her, but you figured she was comfortable with being alone as much as you were. Maybe during dinner you'll talk to her.

Ahead of her two men ran together, one with blonde hair and a muscular build and the other tall with black hair. They ran in silence, focused. Their energy compared to Sasha, the potato girl from earlier, and Springers was unmatched. They seemed to get along quite well. He was asking her how she managed to run for so long before, and how these laps were probably mere nothing for her. Not far ahead of them was Krista, who was blabbering something to a tall tan girl, Ymir. You wondered if they would accept your company if you did catch up to them.

Footsteps approached next to you as you were observing your surroundings absentmindedly, their feet falling into beat with your own. Two sets, actually. An overcast of shadows covered your smaller frame, and you saw it was Jean Kirstein. Next to him was a cute fellow, with a black undercut and freckles covering his cheeks. He was Marco Bott, if you recalled correctly. It made sense that he was running with Jean, since they both had the connection by the Military Police.

Jean beamed down at you mischievously, "[Name], nice to see you showed up. You're still slacking though, it's a shame."

His joke made you glare at him.

"I'm on my fifth lap," you said exhaled shakily, thinking it was an impressive amount. You hadn't even noticed how out of breath you were. Not to mention the painful ache that was growing in your left side, "what about you?"

Marco smiled abashedly, looking away from your eyes, "We're on our sixth, or seventh?" Jean confirmed they were near finishing their sixth. This made your stomach twist. Were you that far behind?

"It's okay [Name]! Armin back there is with you on this," Marco reassured you, still giving you a hopeful smile. You returned an unsure one back, taking a peek behind you. And for sure, there was Armin Arlert. He was a bit taller than you, with long-ish blonde hair and blue eyes. He was heaving each breath, looking like he was on the brink of collapsing. He looked determined, for sure, but his strides didn't match in the slightest. Next to him were two notable people. Mikasa Ackerman was hard to miss. She was what you'd describe strong perfection as. She barely was breaking a sweat, and you could imagine she was also near being finished.

Mikasa was faintly encouraging the tired boy. Next to her was the man of the hour last night, Eren Yeager. Unlike Mikasa, he did show signs of fatigue. But no signs in stopping anytime soon. He barked at Armin to keep it up, which maybe was his way of encouraging him.

It made you think, did you look like that too? Like Armin does right now? It made you straighten your back when you turned your head back to face ahead, with eyes wide. Sweat trailed down your temples, heart panging in your chest due to a new anxiety. Jean and Marco also glanced back with you.

"Oi! Yeager," Called out Jean, "You giving up?"

Marco laughed a bit, turning around with an alarmed look. You both made eye contact, acknowledging that you were both equally embarrassed. This would obviously brew something, you could tell.

Eren glowered instantly, head snapping in Jeans direction.

"Unlike you, your life's purpose is to give up!" He spat back.

Jean sneered, glancing back to you for a moment. "What was it you said again, [Name]? That we can compete for when we are ranked?" You blinked, mouth falling open, but nodding anyways. With that, Jean turned his head again.

"Yeager, let's race!" He challenged with a mischievous look, "I'll beat you and show how useless your determination is."

Mikasa gave Eren a warning look, knowing he'd accept. And as one would assume, he did instantly, ready to take up the challenge.

"I'll make you work more than you will for the rest of your life!" He called out, fired up. Grey eyes gleamed at Jean expectantly. The three of you slowed down so that Jean and Eren could start equally. The two of them were on their seventh laps, so they collectively had three left.

Jean leaned forward a bit to see Eren, since Marco was between them. "Let's make this interesting. The Military Corps versus the suicidal maniacs, yeah? Mikasa against Marco, [Name] against Armin."

Alarmed by his sudden statement, Marco, Armin, and you were ready to disagree and leave the race off with just them. Mikasa didn't have a visible opinion, but you're sure she could beat Marco. Mentally you apologized to Marco for not having any faith in him. Armin gave you a quick look, with wide eyes. He was just as tired as you were, in the same boat, but you had a feeling he wouldn't go down with a fight. Your dignity wouldn't either, however. You'd also like to mention how you didn't want to be referred as one of the 'take it easy' Military Corps kid, but that's what happens when they find you, you guessed.

"You're on. Whoever wins has to clean the others barracks."

On the count of three, Eren and Jean bolted with Mikasa and Marco following behind. In the blink of an eye, Mikasa ended up being in front of all of them. God, you didn't like this. You turned your head to Armin, to maybe ask for a truce and the two of you could jog together in shame, but he wasn't there. Alarmed, and extremely confused, you looked back ahead to see he was running with new found energy.

Your mouth widened at such determination. But you weren't going to let him beat you. You refused to end up looking like an idiot.

Bracing yourself with a few large inhales of air that stung at your lungs, you propped one leg back, before propelling yourself forward. Pain shot into your already aching side, but you pushed through, catching up to Armin. Energy was already lacking, but it seemed to be the same with him. Though you still had picked up speed, you ended up running at the same pace together. You looked over at Armin, and he did the same to you. To his surprise, a gleeful smile was on your face.

"Eat my dust, Arlert! You laughed, pushing him playfully as you tried to pick up speed.

Passing Krista, she put her hands around her mouth.

"You've got this [Name]!"

●●●●

We left off on a positive note, but as you were reaching the end of your tenth lap, things weren't looking good for you. No, it indeed looked like you were about to lose.

The rest had long since finished, and though there were a few other people running their final lap, it meant the two of you had an audience as you both approached in the distance. Armin was ahead of you by a bit. He would have these sudden bursts of energy where he ran fast out of nowhere, leaving 𝘺𝘰𝘶 to eat his dust. You, on the other hand, just started to slowly die overtime. The heavy inhales and exhales your mouth was doing weren't helping your lungs and stamina at all. Everything felt so hot, and so so dry. You had long since tied your Cadet Corps jacket around your waist to at least have a little better mobility. It might not help, but at least you felt a bit less hot and heavy.

There was no longer a smile on your face, to say the least.

In the distance you could hear the encouragement of Jean, Marco, and Krista. Her tiny, jumping form made your already beet-red face light on fire. It was embarrassing since you were losing. Her cheers along with Marcos were more supportive whilst Jean was more assertive, since the thought of losing was dawning on him. As for Mikasa and Eren, Eren was calling Armins name, hands around his mouth so we could hear. The tips of your ears were going red.

"Don't let him beat you [Name]! Run faster!"

"You've got this [Name]!"

"Armin," Cried out Eren, "You're close!"

Your stomach started to twist against as the realization that you were properly going to lose and embarrass yourself in front of everyone was finally settling on your shoulders. Every muscle felt like it was on fire, each lift of your foot sent pain up your legs. Commander Shadis was right. Your body wasn't build for training. As a child, growing up, you simply lived freely on your grandmothers farm. Picking flowers for bouquets for no one but yourself, and apples for the family business. Your family shielded you from labor so you could harbor a good childhood.

The destruction of Wall Maria ruined that dream of theirs. Some dream it was.

The image in front of you started to flicker as your steps started to become hard, slamming on the ground in defeat. Your ears were ringing, and your lungs were frozen. You couldn't do this. You can't do this.

"You're perfect for the Military Police. A lazy bum!"

Following the voice, you saw it came from Eren. He screamed triumphantly. A cocky grin was on his face. Oh how you hand wished to wipe it right off. Something about his assumptions made you mad. Usually you would be fine with that, but he was practically publicly humiliating you. He was humiliating your Grandmother. You didn't join the Cadet Corps and plan on joining the Military Corps to lay around like a piece of trash, swigging booze all day and kicking around old people. Ignoring kids who were crying for help. You didn't want to kiss the Kings feet. You wanted to avenge your Grandmother, and all the Military Police have done wrong.

So you screamed.

A war cry left your lips and with a sudden burst of energy, you pushed back onto your heels and bolted straight ahead. Dust kicked behind your broken-in boots from running for so long. Your fingers were clenched into your fist, leaving crescent moons into the soft padding of your palm. Armin's head snapped to the side as you ran in a fury, making him run faster. You were finally putting up a fight again. A look of panic crossed his face as he neared the line where a lap ends, trying to get bigger strides to beat you.

The warmth of your fingers brushed the back of his neck, sending chills down his spine. You grabbed the back of his jacket, and put all your arms strength into pushing him backwards. His legs twisted for a moment, throwing him off balance. Armin kept himself from falling, hunching over so he didn't end up twirling onto the dirt below. You barely had any upper body muscle or strength, but the pause was enough to put you into the lead.

There wasn't any time to celebrate victory.

The moment you crossed the makeshift line that the cadets had drawn, you collapsed just a few feet ahead of it, onto your knees and head pressed against the dirt. Your body heaved for air, body aching for a singular breeze to make the unbearable fire under your hair, on your neck, and all over your body disappear. For even just a moment. Those who supported yous' cheers didn't register through your buzzing ears.

Armin followed just a little bit after you started swallowing roughly, trying to keep your heart rate steady. It was surprising you didn't suffer from a heat stroke, or honestly just a stroke in general. Armin also fell to his knees, but Mikasa and Eren were by his side in an instant. Mikasa held him under his arms so he could sit up straight, which was probably a better idea than laying your head down. He was already receiving better air flow.

Krista bent down next to you after jogging over, still breathless from her laps. "[Name] you did it! I don't know what you won, but you did it!" She congratulated, patting your back. You coughed in response, which made Ymir smirk. Marco also approached sheepishly. It was already known to you that he had lost a whole shit ton in comparison to Mikasa. You slowly sat up, looking over at Jean, who had a dark expression on his face.

Oh. So all of that was for nothing.

You already guessed he lost to Eren, because he would've been unbelievably cocky right now. Just like Eren is currently.

"[Name]?" Asked Marco worryingly as you pulled yourself up into a stand. Your knees jiggled like jello, barely keeping up your body weight. Pulling yourself from Krista's grip, you staggered over to Eren, who stood just next to Armin. Mikasa glanced up from her kneeling position, over to Eren. Promptly, Eren looked up at you. Your face was still hot pink at the cheeks, and the visible tips of your ears through your hair matched the same tint. Sweat was still gliding down the side of your face and forehead, and the defeated look you had before was replaced with malice.

A quick whoosh of air passed between the both of you.

With what energy you had left, you raised your weak arm in the air, and with as much force as you had, you slapped him. You slapped the shit out of him. The smack was audible, enough to make his head move to your left. His hand instantly reached up to his tingling cheek in surprise, with wide eyes filled with a storm. But they were nonetheless surprised. You surprised him. Ha.

Mikasa stood up in an instant as Armin stabilized himself. She put an arm between the two of you in a protective stance. But it didn't matter. You weren't going to slap him again.

You tched.

"I don't..." You exhaled shakily, "I don't know who you think you are..."

Taking your pointer finger, you pushed it into your chest. Just where your heart was.

"But I'm no lazy bum planning on..." You inhaled for more air, body shaking, "...planning on slacking off..."

"I want to protect people too."

Your eyes battled, non flickering as you were catching your breath. His mouth was just a tad agape, ready to slip words yet they never came. You couldn't walk away. Why couldn't you just walk away?

Marco put a hand on your shoulder.

He turned you away and led you away to somewhere a bit farther where the three of you could sit in peace and catch your breaths. You weren't close friends with Marco and Jean, but their will-power in their beliefs, and determination to stick together was something you respected. You were glad to be able to breathe in peace, but anger still clouded your mind. 

It was silent between the three of you as you watched the final few people finish their laps, but it was alright. You think you all reached a well-needed feat this morning, and there was an unspoken agreement among you three about it.

●●●●

Eren stood in front of the 3D Maneuver Gear set up, watching as they strapped Armin in and pulled him up. He struggled to balance himself, but was working on getting the hang of it. Even after running ten laps that made his heart palpitate too much for his body, he was still determined.

Still determined, huh.

Lazily, he looked over to his right a few stations down where she stood. Where _you_ stood. Buckling in your belt as you got ready to go up next. After your outburst from earlier, you were quiet again, like usual. Doing your own thing. It sort of made Eren mad. He didn't understand you. After the two interactions you've had, you've always left him without letting him respond. Maybe it was for the best, because when thinking back on it, he couldn't think of something witty to argue back with.

_"I want to protect people too."_

Eren reached a callous hand up to his left cheek. The skin burned at the touch and was pink-ish toned hours later. Armin reported that it did look vaguely like a hand print, but it was mostly just the palm that stained him. Mikasa threatened to beat her during fighting training later for it. He held his cheek, watching as you were being hooked up. Your hair was taken out of it's clip, falling delicately in front of you as you were pulled up. He couldn't see your face, but he knew the look that'd be on it.

"Eren."

He turned his head to look at Mikasa who was looking at him concerningly.

Thumbing at his cheek one last time, he let his hand fall.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂


	3. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter Includes  
> ➥... interactions with eren yeager  
> ➥... hints at reiner and bertolt  
> ➥... a bit off script but will follow the canon story nonetheless  
> ➥... reiner would marry bashful you
> 
> Playing hero is hard when there are two of you, and thousands of villain's. But it's even harder when you have different opinions. How do you make a hero know your story too, without calling your view villainous? How would you coexist.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

➥... The gentle gusts of wind whishing past your ears and zipping through your locks of hair was relaxing.

Being suspended up in the air made everything feel possible, like there was worth to your dreams. Flying was possible, you were experiencing it now. Younger you might've been envious of your current position, but subtracting the training you had to endure. Every kid wanted to fly and be free. To do whatever they want. You could reach out your hand and practically feel the future gathering in your palm. 

Delicate fingers reached out in front of you as you kept your balance, stretching out for something to grasp onto. Though all you saw was darkness, you imagined Grandmothers farm. Acers of flower fields and apple trees in front of you, surrounded by forest, excluding the little business out of other human interaction. You saw the stable, where your families horses stayed, nestled a ways into the forest, but the rusty shingled roof still in view.

You imagined what your families home looked like before the disaster. Tall, rickety when it was windy, practically bending in half during storms. A tall, yet skinny wooden frame with a spindly chimney far too tall for normal. The sight made you smile. One day you'll get it back. One day, when this shit-fest is over, you'll get it back.

"[Name], can I go now?"

Slowly you opened your eyes, the dream washing away as reality came in-to. It took you a second to realize your situation. Peeping over your shoulder as you dropped your hand, you saw Krista was standing patiently by the crank, with a look of worry on her face due to witnessing the whole situation. 

"Oh, yeah. I'll raise you up next."

After the first session today, Krista was a bit nervous about her form and how it'd affect her 3DM use in real time. She confided in you about it as you were going to the barracks to take a nap before dinner. Krista also told you she didn't want Ymir to know, as she didn't want to get made fun of for being unsure of her capabilities. 

An angel asking for help, how could you not accept? You wanted some reassurance on your abilities too, so the two of you beelined to practice. When the pair of you were approaching the line of horrifying contraptions, Mikasa and Armin were stalking right by with Eren being held up between them. He looked dead, to say the least. 

Whilst you were ready to keep it to yourself, Krista asked if they needed help. She was politely shot down by Armin, whilst Eren grumbled something in response. He pulled his head up.

"Krista..." He asked slowly, stopping all of you in your tracks, "do you have any... tips?"

"Eren..." Mikasa warned.

Krista's mouth fell open, fumbling for words. "Help...? Help with the 3DM gear?" She asked, glancing back at the metal gear nearby. Armin sheepishly smiled and nodded in response. Krista looked back at you nervously, before back at Eren.

"I was just going to go practice myself, I don't know if I'll be any help," She sighed, "But I know you'll get the hang of it Eren!"

Eren groaned in response, his head limply falling back down and his half-lidded eyes closed completely. He looked super beat up, both physically and mentally about it. Visible redness, bruises, and dirt residue lingered just above the collar of his shirt, on his jaw, and if you saw correctly, an immense amount on his forehead. Your eyes lingered at the bruising on his jaw for a moment longer.

Somehow even defeated you were still captured by him, somehow. It was his ambition and determination that you were encapsulated by, a thing you felt guilty of even thinking. Even if it was in your own head, to your lonesome. Especially after you had let your anger out on him just earlier today. 

Ambitions, goals... but now he lacked them. He was simply defeated, but you still couldn't figure out why you didn't look away. It was a familiar disaster that sort of... reminded you of yourself. Or younger you. You didn't let your mind dwell on it for too long.

"...Eren."

Even you faltered at your sudden action.

He looked over his shoulder and Armins weakly, eyes still half lidded. He probably didn't register it was you speaking anyways.

"You'll get it tomorrow."

●●●●

And so tomorrow came.

After classes for that day, practically everyone interested headed out under the beating sun to watch Eren Yeager's attempt at the gear. If he messed this up, it was practically over for him.

You were unsure why you were antsy about it as well. Whilst everyone was casually watching beforehand, you had gotten yourself front row seats to the to-be or not-to-be disaster. Meekly, you stood next to quite the tall fellows, Reiner and Bertolt. They were having a hushed discussion that your nosy ears couldn't help but tune in to.

"Do you think he'll get it?"

"After his speech last night?" Reiner exhaled, eyeing Eren, "I do think so."

"His determination is something," Added on Bertolt, "Say, what he said about Titans last night..."

His words came to a slow halt of realization that made heat spread up to your cheeks and the tips of your ears. You didn't need to look up to feel a set of gazes' on you.

Pretending to be oblivious, you carefully looked up at the both of them, cocking your head to the side softly. Your hair cascaded to the side at the softness of your actions, eyes twinkling up at Reiners and flickering to Bertolts. Turns out you were being very obviously nosy. Especially since you were extremely close to them.

Playing a character, you smiled shyly and looked down at the ground. 

"I-I'm sorry," You said bashfully, "It's just... you both have tall shadows and I didn't want to stand in the sun..."

Taking a step back, you shook your hands in front of you feverishly, "I didn't realize I was overstepping boundaries, I'm sorry!"

Unsure if your act was bought or not, Reiner glanced at Bertolt, who breathlessly laughed at your actions. He rubbed at his neck, shrugging, "[Name], was it?"

You nodded. "Well, it's alright [Name]! You're small, you're just using your recourses wisely," A hint of a joking-tone was in his voice at the end there. At this point you assumed you got off freely, and gave him a thumbs up. You peered back over to Reiner, giving him the same thumbs up. He didn't say anything, but looked away nonetheless. You hadn't noticed the pink dusting both of their cheeks.

By now Eren was strapped up and being raised off the ground.

With anticipation, the crowd leaned in closer.

He thrusted out his arms in different directions, and bent his legs to keep balance instantly. Much to the amazement of the crowd, they all cheered in delight as he miraculously stayed in place. Even you were on the edge of your seat, mouth a tad agape. He really was doing it. Though he was swaying a bit more than one should be, that determination you strongly remembered was there. He wasn't defeated like yesterday and this morning, just a sack of bruises and self-loathing. 

It seems like his ambitions couldn't help but amaze you. Enthrall you.

Like that, grey eyes trickled from his friends and fell onto yours. It was just a moment, but you are sure you locked eyes for a few seconds longer. They beamed at you, like he was saying 'I did it, you see? My fight is worth it.'

And then Eren tipped a bit too far backwards.

His once-sturdy form was flipped backwards, his head nearly slamming onto the ground below, but due to the distance he just barely scraped the dirt pebbles. An audible gasp left your lips, joining a chorus of others.

It was soul crushing for Eren. He exclaimed short, few worded excuses that didn't finish as his brain was fighting in turmoil to register the situation. No... he didn't do it. He was doing so well, how didn't he do it? What went wrong? He was lowered onto the ground, falling to his hands in knees. Erens head was bent downwards, even as he sat back onto his legs.

"I..." He stared at the ground with panic-stricken eyes, stumbling over his own words. 

"Wagner. Switch belts with Yeager," Shadis commented.

Wagner did as he was told, taking off his own whilst Eren fumbled with taking off is belt. They switched, Wagner handing the other belt off to Shadis for inspection.

Given another chance, Eren was raised up in the air. 

Like before, he stuck out his arms and bent his legs like he knew to. He studied that part for so long, he knew the basics, he didn't need to be told. With new-found worry in his face, his thick eyebrows were furrowed in resolve. Nervous sweat grew on his face as he moved a tad from side to side. He was petrified to fall again like before. Just like that, all his dreams would be washed away.

"Equipment failure," Shadis quipped.

You leaned forward on your heels to peek at Shadis. He held the belt at two sides, one of the metal attachments smack dab in the middle. It indeed stood up oddly on the leather compared to the rest of the loops. The broken loop was something one wouldn't notice unless told. So something so minor could change the way of things? If anything, it concerned you. 

The audience hummed in amazement. Even with a damaged belt, Eren was in the air for some time before. This whole time, it was the belts fault? And somehow, he overcame it?

"The metal attachment on your belt is damaged. I never heard of it happening before..." He hummed, glancing back up to Eren.

"S-so did I pass?"

"Without a hitch. Keep training."

As he celebrated and the crowd dispersed as he spoke to his friends, you couldn't help but admire his will power from behind his back. It's something one would envy, but too powerful to have in their own hands. But you were guilty to say, once again, you were a bit jealous. He had a tenacity like none other, it was obvious his heart was in it for the long run.

Yes. You had the same determination to protect inside the walls. Avenge the people done wrong, avenge your family for never reciving the news, avenge your grandmother for being whisked away with you by the flick of a knife, her body never laid to proper rest due to arogance. But you can't help but wonder... why aren't you like that? Howling in joy, crying in frustration, pushing your body to the limits. You wanted to do that, to experience the highs and lows of successful progress and development.

You wanted to do that, but you were weak.

You were so weak.

With a new feeling of dejection, you turned on your heels from the excitement, and made your way back to the mess hall for dinner. Or perhaps you'll simply b-line for the barracks and get some rest, unsure if you want to experience Yeager's newfound cockiness that is for sure to come. You can also assume he will have some clever words for Jean.

Maybe you don't want to marinate in the new-found envy you had.

Running your hand up your face to your forehead, pushing your hair back as you tilted your gaze to the sky. Clouds littered it beautifully, like pulled apart cotton you'd mess with as a kid.

"[Name]!"

A familiar voice called out for you.

Stopping in your tracks, you threw your hair aside as you glanced over your shoulder. The sticky heat still left some pieces stuck onto the side of your face and forehead. As you were brushed them aside, you realized it was Eren Yeager himself jogging over to you.

"[Name]," He repeated catching up to you, "Did you see?"

You raised an eyebrow.

"Did you see me."

A little laugh emitted past your lips, "Front row, I did."

A silence fell over the two of you. Yet your gazes were still held together. Your hand dropped from your hair as you let out a shaky breath. Unable to keep up eye-contact in such awkward silence, you timidly looked away to the ground.

"I'm assuming it was my encouragement earlier that made you do it right," You finally joked, breaking the silence. Briefly, you glimpsed back at him, to see him scoff and roll his eyes.

"You wish, [Name]," He jested, "Don't be stupid."

The interaction you two were having was a first. Neither of you have actually interacted, and it didn't seem fair to call your two mix-ups good interactions in the first place. If anything, neither of you have even properly introduced yourselves. Simply due to different opinions and assumptions, the two of you didn't mix.

"You can slap me."

This set him aback. His eyes widened, "Why the hell would I do that?"

You pushed the front strands of your hair behind your ears in preparation, "Because you were being an asshole about my dream, I slapped you. I was an asshole by not believing in you, and honestly, I still sometimes don't. So do it back, it's only fair." His eyes flickered between yours, searching for the joke, until he realized there wasn't was one. He took a step forward, which made your breath shaky. You shut your eyes in anticipation.

"Come on. Do it."

"I'm not doing it."

Opening your eyes, you narrowed your eyebrows at him in frustration.

"I know you were mad when I did it to you."

"I don't hit girls."

"Eren I think you're a suicidal maniac who only cares about himself sometimes," You stated dryly, consciously to stare dead into his eyes, "You don't listen to others opinions because your ego is through the roof and you think your way is the only right way. You play hero, but think you can be the only hero there is-"

The strike caught you off guard.

You were asking for it, but it didn't register till you were actually twisting to the side, gasping at the sudden action. You were bent over, catching one hand onto a knee so you didn't actually tumble due to the impact, and the other still on your cheek. It stung, it stung like a bitch. No matter how tightly your warm hands help your face, the tingling wouldn't subside. 

Even though you tucked your hair away, it still managed to fly with you. You peered up at Eren through gaps between strands.

He stared down at you with surprise, and then down at his own tingling hand.

You couldn't help but laugh. He used such force that neither of you expected.

He stuck the tinging hand out for yours.

Reluctantly, you grabbed onto his, and were hauled back into a stand.

No, you weren't friends now.

But now you understood a little bit, and so did he.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Author's Note:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Hello! If I enjoy writing this, I might also put it on Wattpad. Though, just between you and I, I'm not very familiar with their format.  
> Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this! It is much appreciated. Sending so much love your way!


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